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Resolutions

With January comes the resolution. A fresh start, a way to make amends with all the exercise that didn't occur throughout the prior year, a new recognition that swimsuit season really isn't that far away, and renewed energy to adjust habits that have gone south. I'm not an annual resolver, but  an article in the New York Times last weekend  made me reconsider. The article was about a Seattle woman whose husband was killed four years ago while riding his bike. An unexpected tragedy to be sure and one that left this woman and her two children in a precarious position. Chanel Reynolds and her husband had drafted a will but had not yet officially signed the documents, so on top of all the grief she felt was this overwhelming fear of how she would truly carry on. How much money was in the checking account? What were all the accounts they had, and what were the passwords that her husband kept in his head? Why had she and her husband not finished some of the tasks that grown-ups are expected to take care of before something like this occurs? The struggles she faced led to a website with a very appropriate name that the NY Times could not fully publish. You'll see why when you click on the link. But the title mirrored exactly what Chanel Reynolds was feeling, seeing her husband in the ICU and knowing he was going to die. It was time to get her act together, and you and I are all the better for the work that went into creating this website.



The section called "Thoughts" is, in my opinion, the most powerful part of the site and the one that sets her website apart from others that help with the nitty gritty details of drafting a will. Her thoughts are based on a very painful experience, but they pertain to us all. "As you are writing your will and you ask yourself who will carry out your wishes, care for your children, advocate for you medically or pull the plug on you as you wish them to: If you are at a loss for whom to name, get out there and tighten up your friends and family relationships. Find some better friends. Be a better friend. This is everything." Even if your will is current and signed, these thoughts are worth pondering. She goes on, "Something I’ve noticed that appears even more painful than all of that loss, is regret and remorse. Time wasted, anger left to take root, opportunities squandered, lost time that is now really gone forever...Do not one day find yourself having missed out on something because you were too busy being angry, too invested in being done wrong by someone, too shy to speak your mind, to say how you feel, to admit you were wrong. Don’t be afraid to live your life exactly as you would like to live it. Be brave. Be mindful. Clean up your messes. Be honest and vulnerable. It’s really not the worst thing that can happen."  I was particularly struck by the section titled "Leaving Traces". Are there photos or videos of you? Pieces of clothing, favorite CDs, artwork? Are there physical objects, beyond your iphone, that your loved ones can hold? One of my favorite mementos of my dad is a short biography he crafted before his mind made that difficult to do so. It's incomplete but still a treasure. And I would give anything to have more photos of my mom, but she was always the one behind the camera. So make a point of smiling more for the camera, create items for loved ones to remember you by, share yourself with others. All fine resolutions to make and make happen. Happy New Year.

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